Rejection

I know it’s not personal, but at the same time, it is so personal.   It’s personal, because it’s happening to me!  I know it is fairly common for an adopted child to reject their mother, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  I’ve never handled rejection well, and I do not like being ignored!   But, these things are now a part of everyday life for me.  I don’t want to paint a grim picture.  Willow and I have had wonderful moments of connection.  But, being ignored, pushed away, avoided, hit, or scratched are all pieces of our daily struggle right now.  I know it’s not my fault, and it’s certainly not Willow’s either.  She knows how to reject, because she has been rejected.   And, Willow will know how to love, because she is now being loved.  It’ll just take time.  Lots of time and LOTS of love. 

Since attachment continues to be an issue with Willow and I, I began to up my efforts last week.  We are now bathing together every night.  The bath time bonding process has been quick and drastic!  The first night, I held Willow in my lap for the majority of the bath.  She didn’t cry, but she squirmed and fought to get away from me the entire time.  Night two, she didn’t squirm.  She just sat nice and still in my lap, though she would not look at me.  By the third night, she snuggled into my arms and rested her head comfortably on my chest.  Over the past few nights, more eye contact and smiles have started to emerge during our tub time.  I’m so pleased!  It’s been really good for BOTH of us.  Right now, this bonding is constricted to our time in the bathtub, but I feel certain that in time, it’ll overflow to the rest of our day together.  J 

I’m not sharing this because I need a bunch of encouraging comments telling me what a great job I’m doing.  Believe me, I love encouragement, but I know I’m a good mom to Willow and Raewyn. .  I simply want to give my girls the very best of me.  However, I fall short everyday.  One of my strengths is empathy, but it’s so easy to sometimes forget where Willow has come from.  I’m an incredibly patient person, but my patience has never run so thin.  Being a mom is my joy and my calling, but being a mom is hard! 

Here are a few fantastic photos that were taken of the girls and our family at the beginning of December.  Looking back at these, I’m amazed at how much both of them have grown in the past couple of months!  They are both so beautiful.